I guess this is going to be something that I will always struggle with. But why. Why why why did this even happen. How did this all start. How do I make it stop. I’m just going to go to bed and hopefully I’ll wake up and these feelings will be gone.

I don’t think I know what I’m doing
All it took was a split second to put up walls
I don’t understand why I did it
I don’t know if they understand what they’re getting into
Uncertainty.
It’s all uncertain and that makes me uneasy
And the uneasiness makes me overthink
And the overthinking makes me confused
And the confusion makes me sad
And the sad makes me want to cut
So, maybe it’s a good thing I put up walls
Maybe they’re there for a reason?
But,
I wish they weren’t there
I wish I could be open
I wish I could be fearless
But,
The walls are there.
I am closed.
I am fearful.
And here I will stay.

shinitai-kizuna

I cut becuase:

-I’m unhappy.

-I’m irritated.

-I’m frustrated.

-I’m anxious.

-I’m overwhelmed.

-It distracts me from hunger.

-I’m feeling numb and want to feel something.

-I feel like I don’t matter.

-It reduces stress.

-It makes me feel like I’m in control.

-It calms me down.

But also becuase:

-I’m bored.

-I just like how cuts look.

-I’m over excited.

-it makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something brave.

-I like how little puddles blood are formed.

-I find it fun, like riding a roller coaster. Thrilling and fun.

(Please do not judge. I do not promote cutting or any other form of self harm. I know some of these reasons are fucked up but I feel like I have to be honest with myself first to remove them. It’s my issue, not something you should try out.)

Please don’t hurt yourself.

second-diary

You said,

no.

And even now I find myself longing for the x’s.
And paper has become my savior.
And my flesh thanks me.
But at the same time, it hates me.
I just need to make for a year… again.

craved-deactivated20230908

You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life. But you didn’t love her. Because you don’t destroy people you love.

Grey’s Anatomy (via perrfectly)

coral

convertions

Breathe

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

I cut becuase:

But also becuase:

(Please do not judge. I do not promote cutting or any other form of self harm. I know some of these reasons are fucked up but I feel like I have to be honest with myself first to remove them. It’s my issue, not something you should try out.)